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Healing has begun for former members of Christ Church

By Melodie Woerman

Editor, The Harvest

Terry Hoyland

Terry Hoyland knows about grief. For five years he headed the grief support team at Christ Episcopal Church, Overland Park, drawing on his work as a counselor to help others cope with their experience of loss. But now he is a mourner himself, a role he said is tough for him. Hoyland supported the Episcopal Church when his parish recently voted to separate from it, and he has served as a leader among the more than 200 people who wanted to keep the church in the Episcopal fold. Even through the deep pain the split caused him, Hoyland knew it was important to acknowledge the finality of the loss, and so he welcomed a suggestion from Bishop Dean Wolfe to

celebrate a service of healing for those from Christ Church who needed a way to express their sorrow, look to the future and begin to heal.

That service took place on the evening of Pentecost, May 15 at St. Michael’s, Mission, with 175 people attending. But besides healing, the service provided the seeds of hope for the future – the confirmation of Rebekah Knackstedt, an eighth-grader and former member of Christ Church who had prepared for confirmation but wanted to be confirmed by an Episcopal bishop.

A critical time Bishop Wolfe told Rebekah that her confirmation was taking place at a critical time in the life of the Episcopal Church. “Your service to the church is needed now more than ever,” he said. “In the past, confirmation was often seen as a kind of graduation from church, but we need your talents, and we need your ongoing faithful commitment.” As family and friends looked on, the bishop presented Rebekah to the congregation after confirming her, asking them to greet “the newest member of the Episcopal Church.” They did so with sustained applause. “When the peace was passed, Beka was hugged by about 50 people,” said her father, Scott Knackstedt, “and she didn’t know most of them.” Knackstedt said he was glad Rebekah could be confirmed in the Episcopal Church, which he says offers its members freedom of thought and ideas. “It was important to me that

my daughter be confirmed into a church that, when she goes away to school in a few years and makes decisions on her own, she’ll have what she needs to make them,” he said.

In his sermon, Bishop Wolfe addressed the issue of forgiveness. “We’re very clear about why we shouldn’t forgive,” he said.” I can give you a hundred reasons why. So why forgive? Because we were forgiven, and we were not worth forgiving.” He used the parable of the Prodigal Son to describe a God who loves us deeply and forgives us in spite of our actions.

Hoyland said the service offered him a chance to begin forgiving and healing.  “I’m rapidly approaching that time where my life will no longer be ruled by what happened, and that’s the ultimate goal of the grief process,” he said. “This separation was, in reality, a death, the death of a deep relationship.”

A therapeutic potluck

Bishop Wolfe alluded to that feeling at the potluck dinner that followed the service. He said that in many ways the most Eucharistic meal people share is the one after a funeral, when the deceased is remembered and stories are shared. “And this feels a lot like a funeral meal,” he said.

Those attending included several founding members of Christ Church, as well as others who had transferred from the parish in recent years but returned to share the evening with former parishioners.

Hoyland said the time of fellowship was important to him. “The very joyous hospitality of our brothers and sisters of St. Michael’s was therapeutic,” he said. “I had a great time at the potluck and left the church that night feeling very uplifted and hopeful.”

Scott Knackstedt agreed. He said his parents, who had been longtime members of the congregation, appreciated the service. “It helped bring resolution to a lot of people on a lot of levels,” he said. “I think it said something that a young person, from a different generation than most of those attending the service, was making the decision to stay in the Episcopal Church, too,” Knackstedt said.

Many still looking

Area churches have begun to see visitors, or even new members, from those who previously had attended Christ Church. Dick Norman, parish administrator at St. Michael’s, Mission, said that parish is seeing a “significant number of visitors on a regular basis,” with new faces every week. Some already have transferred, including Terry Hoyland and his wife Lyla.

The Rev. Nicolette Papanek, interim pastor at St. Thomas, Overland Park, said they are seeing “quite a few” visitors each week, and some already have joined. The Rev. James Cook, St. Luke’s, Shawnee, said two families have transferred in, with others attending services. The Rev. Juli Sifers, interim pastor at St. Aidan’s, Olathe, said they have had visitors although no transfers yet.

All the churches in the area recognized that it may be too early for many former Christ Church members to make a decision about a future church home. Cook said, “People are feeling a little lost, but for many it’s important to get connected, even if it’s just temporary.”  Papanek said she has been told that some people just are not ready to make a decision. “We’re glad they can come here and feel nurtured and then make up their minds.” Norman said he is hearing the same thing from visitors. Sifers said, “It will take a while for people to see where they want to be. And we’ll be here for them when they do.”

Bishop Wolfe said he is committed to assisting former members of Christ Church who want to stay active in the Episcopal Church. “The remnant community from Christ Church is an important pastoral priority for this diocese,” he said. “I want us to do everything we can to provide a spiritual home for these good people.”