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Doubt can be part of faith, too

By the Rev. Kelley Lackey

There has been much ballyhoo over the recent publishing of “Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light” that compiles many years of personal correspondence regarding her doubt about Christ’s presence in her life.

It may seem shocking to discover that one of the most revered Christian figures of recent times could struggle with so much doubt, not just from time to time, but for decades on end. Such a revelation forces us to ask how a person with so much doubt could be such a shining example of Christian ministry to the poorest of the poor for a lifetime.

A popular religious tendency in our culture is to define faith as some sort of abiding positive feeling of the presence of God in our lives. Let us not confuse feelings with faith, however. Feelings are only one aspect of faith. The experiences of feelings in people are far from static, rational or controllable.

We may feel peace, sorrow, joy, frustration, happiness, despair and romance all in the course of a day. We may feel a comforting presence, a sense of impending doom or nothing at all at any given moment.

One thing is certain. At some point each one of us will have feelings of doubt about the presence of God in our lives.

Another assumption is that faith is something obtained by a person’s own facility and volition. This theory is not based on any biblical foundation or teaching of the church but on cultural values and biases.

Ultimately, the apostle Paul tells us, faith is a gift that is given to us by the Holy Spirit for the good of all. (1 Corinthians 12:9). A gift is not something we can work for, otherwise it would be something owed to us and not really a gift.

A spiritual mentor of mine once compared the gift of faith to a barrel of water in which we try to grab and pull out the contents. We will come up empty-handed every time.

Yet, if we cup the palms of our open, outstretched hands and wait for someone to pour, we may receive.

There is no sin in a lack of faith. Faith is either something that is gifted to us by the Holy Spirit or not. Nonetheless, a gift is something that we may choose not to accept. Therefore, our real downfall comes when we do not orient ourselves to receive the gift of faith. The sin comes in closing ourselves off to the possibility of the gift. Faith involves our ongoing willingness to receive.

The Bible is full of stories of faithful people filled with doubt. Perhaps the most profound example is at the point during his crucifixion when Jesus cries out in doubt, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)

Because doubt was part of Christ’s experience on the cross, doubt is sanctified. Doubt must therefore hold some holy purpose and place in our lives.

Our faith is greeted and supported when we are intentional in our actions. Real faith involves remaining open to receive, through a discipline of worship and fellowship within the body of Christ.

It means continuing to give one’s time, ability and resources to the building up of God‘s Kingdom. It means making Sunday mornings, Wednesday evenings and other times when the body of Christ gathers a priority on our busy calendars. It means being intentional in our daily prayer, especially when we do not feel particularly prayerful.

Faith means giving when it seems more natural to take. It means exercising compassion toward others, even when we feel indifference. It means offering forgiveness rather than seeking vengeance. It involves taking a chance on something that we may not feel, indeed, that we may doubt. That is the true nature of the “leap of faith.”

Perhaps in the years to come, Mother Teresa will not be marked as a saint for her example of uncompromising faith but for the more powerful example of a life lived faithfully in the face of considerable doubt.

Kelley Lackey is rector of St. Andrew’s, Emporia. This reflection first appeared in the Emporia Gazette.